8 Mar 2012

Clubbing Golfers

Padraig Harrington – With his reputation cemented as one of the worst in the business to close a deal, Padraig decided to read The Game in early 2007. The results were instantaneous as he pulled, amongst others, three of the hottest women ever to grace the Coppers dance floor. Unhappy with this, Padraig got greedy and decided to change his strategy in the hope that it would bring him more scores. His Gold card is soon to expire.

Dustin Johnson – Known for being well endowed, Dustin spends most of his time challenging other males to partake in measuring contests. In doing so, he often loses track on what he is supposed to be doing and ends up going home alone.

Jim Furyk – A clumsy dancer with a bad fashion sense who has a knack of pulling attractive women. Neither Jim, nor anyone else in the club who pays attention to his dance moves, has any idea how he manages to pull it off.

Rory McIlroy – Rory knocked around the underage disco scene for several years, where he quickly gathered a reputation as a prolific shift and drifter. Upon coming of age, Rory became famous for his unparalled ability to flirt with a woman for three hours, only to lose her when the lights came on. In recent times, however, Rory has started to close, and caused many of the towns’ bachelors to fear that they may never pull again.

Kevin Na – Kevin once decided to shift 16 ugly women in one night, in the hope that it might equate to scoring one good looking one.

Jack Nicklaus – An old timer who sits at the bar, Jack loves to tell stories about all the women he used to pull back in the day. He refuses to acknowledge that there was less competition in those days, and staunchly believes there will never be another ladies man like him.  

Steve Williams – Spent many years as a wingman to Giacomo Casanova, a time when Steve picked up more breaking ball than a man could ever want. After a disagreement with his former wingman, Steve scored an ugly girl in a chipper and claimed that she was the most attractive woman he had pulled in his ‘career’.

Darren Clarke – Darren spent many years on the high stool, before deciding to give the dance floor one last shot. To his own great surprise, he managed to score the hottest girl in the club, and even brought her home. Darren is still celebrating his achievement, and seems happy to live off it, having no apparent ambition to venture back to the tiles.

Lee Westwood – Lee has been knocking around the club scene for many years now, and has managed to get several cheeky dance-floor shifts. However, a recurring theme has emerged whereby Lee gets heavily intoxicated by the end of the night and allows the girl to slip through his fingers. The general consensus amongst club goers is that Lee will never manage to seal the deal.

Tiger Woods – A predator, Tiger stands at the edge of the dance floor winking at women for the first three hours of the night. As soon as the lights come on, Tiger makes his move. This move is so fierce that it can be heard in every corner of the nightclub, causing many men to spill their drinks and lose their women. For Tiger, it is then simply a case of collection.

Miguel Angel Jimenez – Refusing to move with the times, Miguel spends the majority of his night being told to quench his cigar by bouncers. However, when the flamboyant Spaniard occasionally steps to the floor, his silky stretch moves usually result in shifting.

Graeme McDowell - Amidst rumours of homosexuality, Graeme once went on a run of pulling some of the hottest women in the business. He likes to spend his night whispering sweet-nothings in the ears of women with that mid-Atlantic accent of his. Modest as always, G-Mac claims that women come to him because he wears nice cardigans.

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