Twitter tells me that she is unhappy with the way our relationship is going, that she wants me to grow up and start treating her with more respect. Things had been going so well, but I started a new job recently and, much to Twitter’s dismay, my new employer is female.
She has become insanely jealous of the professional relationship that this woman and I share. She wants to know why I am so sensible and sophisticated when I interact with my boss, LinkedIn, and always acting the fool when I spend time with her.
The thing is, I have no interest in LinkedIn. I interact with her simply out of necessity. Talking with her is a complete bore, and even the funniest of people are dull in her company. I’m serious, when she is in a room, the conversation rarely stretches past strategic marketing options and economies of scale. Also, she is incredibly cocky, always boasting about the things she has done, “Oh, I got a 1.1 here and won Student of the Year there”. It gets tiresome.
What I just can’t understand is why Twitter wants me to act like that around her. The reason why I fell in love with her was because she was such fun, and she allowed me to be such fun. After some rocky relationships in the past, I had thought that this was it, but I’m beginning to wonder what separates her from the rest.
When I think about it, she actually has a lot in common with my previous two girlfriends. She has that wild streak that reminds me of Bebo, who was a complete mentalist, and a rampant slut to boot. Also, she has her fair share of annoying moments which really remind me of Facebook. For example, any time somebody mentions The X Factor, she goes crazy and it’s all she wants to talk about. Facebook was the exact same with that nonsense.
I guess I do love her though, deep down, but she can’t expect me to talk about linear regression and binomial distribution with her all the time. She is supposed to be my escape from people like LinkedIn. I’m actually thinking of suggesting that we see other people, just for a while, partly because I met this sexy red-head in a bar last night who asked me if I would to Pin her to my headboard, which sounds like it could be interesting.