Social Relationships 2.0

Twitter tells me that she is unhappy with the way our relationship is going, that she wants me to grow up and start treating her with more respect. Things had been going so well, but I started a new job recently and, much to Twitter’s dismay, my new employer is female. 

She has become insanely jealous of the professional relationship that this woman and I share. She wants to know why I am so sensible and sophisticated when I interact with my boss, LinkedIn, and always acting the fool when I spend time with her.

The thing is, I have no interest in LinkedIn. I interact with her simply out of necessity. Talking with her is a complete bore, and even the funniest of people are dull in her company. I’m serious, when she is in a room, the conversation rarely stretches past strategic marketing options and economies of scale. Also, she is incredibly cocky, always boasting about the things she has done, “Oh, I got a 1.1 here and won Student of the Year there”. It gets tiresome.

What I just can’t understand is why Twitter wants me to act like that around her. The reason why I fell in love with her was because she was such fun, and she allowed me to be such fun. After some rocky relationships in the past, I had thought that this was it, but I’m beginning to wonder what separates her from the rest.

When I think about it, she actually has a lot in common with my previous two girlfriends. She has that wild streak that reminds me of Bebo, who was a complete mentalist, and a rampant slut to boot. Also, she has her fair share of annoying moments which really remind me of Facebook. For example, any time somebody mentions The X Factor, she goes crazy and it’s all she wants to talk about. Facebook was the exact same with that nonsense.

I guess I do love her though, deep down, but she can’t expect me to talk about linear regression and binomial distribution with her all the time. She is supposed to be my escape from people like LinkedIn. I’m actually thinking of suggesting that we see other people, just for a while, partly because I met this sexy red-head in a bar last night who asked me if I would to Pin her to my headboard, which sounds like it could be interesting. 

Social Relationships

Twitter is my current girlfriend, we’ve been going steady for the bones of a year now and we’re getting on great. I tell her about my day and she seems to love it, I really think she could be the one. Facebook is the girl that I went out with for a few years, and Twitter just doesn’t trust, nor will she ever trust. Bebo was a girl whom I was seeing for a year or two when I started college, Twitter and I look back at her and we laugh together. Bebo was a mess of a woman, and she really let herself go in the end. Twitter knows that I have no interest in her and that is why she laughs, but I am still friends with Facebook and she hates that. She is always giving out that I have loads of photos with Facebook and none with her, but I think that she should be happy because I talk to her every day and I rarely converse with Facebook.

The truth of the matter is that I love Twitter for who she is, she is intelligent and has a great sense of humour. Facebook is more of a blonde. I just want the two to get along. We’re seeing a relationship therapist called TweetDeck at the moment, and she seems to have brought the two girls a lot closer together. My relationship with both is much easier to manage now, as a result.

There was one other girl also, Google Plus was her name, but Twitter and Facebook never found out about her. It was brief, I mean she was sexy and she had one or two features that the others didn’t have, if you know what I mean, but then she just disappeared. I think she had a couple of sisters too, one of them went by the name of Buzz, I believe, but they disappeared too. Drifters, they must have been a family of drifters.